And then came Monogamy!! What?! Who saw that coming?! No ONE!!

Monogamy with sex every day. My greatest adventure yet.

My relationship research with Keri Denheeten was supposed to have ended on April 22, but we decided to extend it another 30 days, and make a few (major) adjustments, to see if we could learn even more about ourselves.

While at Magic School, Nicole Deadone taught us a lot about "Wake-Up Relationships". Relationships that help us grow, expand, and become more free. She said that romantic relationships often serve as places we go to sleep. Where we try to be comfortable, release pressure, and coast. Wake-up relationships are turbulent, they challenge us on our shit constantly. She said wake-up relating is more like sparring, and you want a partner that matches your weight class and ability level otherwise you get board and go to sleep. And the important thing is to remember that you're there to play hard, to fight, and to really see what you're made of, and not get resentful at them when they challenge you. I realized in that moment what a great sparring partner Keri is, and that our fight was far from over.

She also talked about Monogamy. She said that when we're doing really intricate work with each other, like microscopic brain surgery, it can be useful to eliminate extra distractions like other partners for a period of time. And also take away the temptation to use other lovers as a pressure-release valve that makes your primary relationship less hard. We want it to be hard, and use that pressure to grow. And she talked about sex as a practice. She said "We don't wait till we're turned on to have sex, we have sex to get turned on."

In the first 30 days, I discovered that I have major issues holding my attention in one place, and feel entitled to being a person or a situation being "entertaining" enough to hold my attention. I realized the ways this had showed up in my open relationship with Keri, where I could just go flirt or make out with a different woman whenever I felt board or frustrated with her.

Also, the deep intimacy we'd created often made it incredibly uncomfortable for me to have sex or make out with her. I'm apparently just not used to being seen that deeply. And so I would avoid it. Resist it. Push her away. And continue to get my sexual needs met from other women who weren't as confronting.

So I decided to take on all of Nicole's advice, and we became monogamous for 30 days, with required sex every day. So far it has been ROUGH. The intimacy and challenges have quadrupled. It is SO HARD for me to keep my attention on her, even when I'm not putting it as much on other women. And I'm still resistant to the sex, even though I'm not having it with anyone else. The heat is WAY UP, and we're learning a lot.

We'll try to be better about updating. If we survive!