Tough spots and recommitting

I broke up with Joe Carr the other day. This is the third time I've reached what I thought was a breaking point I couldn't endure in this intense and intricate relationship research we have been doing. Each time I come back to the spot and recommit to what we are doing when I remember that I want my own freedom. I want to wake up. This time I have recommitted that I won't run away. I will reach out when I don't feel like it. I will stay in it and not hit back for showing me the parts of myself that I am learning to love. I will open to receiving the love and giving it. I will remember the love underneath the pain of the stories and circumstances, that what we all really desire is connection.

"The quality of passion, the quality of aliveness, the quality of love is absolute, total uncertainty. That’s what makes it so amazing! It is totally and completely destabilizing. When I love you there is a part of me that is leaning outside of myself. There is a beautiful quote about ‘a mother’s heart is no longer in her own chest again.’ I feel like that is what all love is like. I love you and my heart is walking around over there in some way and I can’t control what you do. I can’t control my most intense experiences. Now, if you happen to be in it because you want to wake; because you want to really truly discover who you are; because you want to break free of conditioned patterns, it is awesome! But if you just want to sort of live the trajectory, you know: meet the person, kiss the person, get engaged to the person, have the child with the person, die; then there you go!”

“All I want to do is wake up! That’s it! I’m really clear! If you follow every single question, the only solution always is to wake up. There’s no other solution, there’s no other source of joy! There’s no other source of that kind of pain either, but it is the only thing that is really ultimately available.

If you have that in your relationship, it kind of sucks that you have these little thorns in your relationship, but those little thorns are put in place to have the ultimate comfort. Would you rather suffer to keep suffering or suffer to end suffering? I want to suffer to end suffering. I want every single thing in my life to be used for wake up!”
-Nicole Daedone, Founder of this practice of Orgasmic Meditation that has changed my life!