Max's post from the last day of our relationship research

Today is the last day of my relationship research with Elle.

The last week has been one of the hardest we have faced. We started coasting. Just biding time till it was over. I started putting less attention on her, flirting with other women, talking about future makeouts, and spending an increasing amount of time fighting with her. The energy we had cultivated started to go down. I was grumpy, distant, and tight. Since we're so blessed to be doing this in the presence of such an amazing community, I had a coach and friends to call me out on this. After a BIG fight Thursday night, I re-surrendered on Friday. I sent this:

I love you
I surrender again
You are too precious to waste our last 5 days
I am going to love you ferociously
And take full responsibility for our connection & intimacy and sex
You can fight me all you want and I'm coming right back
So just try and push me away!

She said:
That is probably the most beautiful thing you've ever said to me. Thank you

Then we entered the next phase of our saga. We'll call it the Laura stage. I have had an increasing level of intimacy with my former lover and current roommate Laura. Laura and I had become very disconnected before Elle and I started our game, but something about the game increased the desire between us. This led to enormous jealousy between Laura and Elle. I created some boundaries between me and Laura and did what I could help the two of them connect. They went back and forth between moments of deep sweetness, and fierce fighting. Climaxing on Saturday with multiple blow out fights and Laura going out of town with nothing resolved. Laura moves into the house in a week and we'll all be housemates so that will be interesting.

Today my attention is on how I let my love in and out. My inner child is so scared to be seen, and I've given Elle exclusive rights over him recently, to the point that my other friends feel less loved. And ultimately the places I close and disconnect from her are the places I do that with everyone.

So I AM OPEN. Last night I made the commitment to put my little one first. And when we started fighting about Laura, I dropped into what was hurting there, and told her that I'm sad that Laura is hurting and feel guilty that I didn't do more to help them connect. It softened her beautifully and she told me the deeper thing going on for her. Later she felt rejected at my resistance to sex and wouldn't let herself be held by me, so I told her how hard I'm trying to love her and how it hurts when she won't just feel it, and she softened again.

This morning she said she found a place of soft love that she had forgotten, and then I made love to her in the most lose and open way I think I ever have. There's no telling what will come after this. But I know I am cracked open and wide awake, and excited to soak her up for our last few hours.