I slept until 2pm

Hi, I am in an interesting place that I am trying not to make myself wrong for for the first time in my life and that feels good. 

For doing exactly what I want

Rather than what I "should" do

Letting me do the "shoulds " when I get to them or even when I have desire to do them 

It is a place where I have always made myself wrong for not being like everyone else

Thank you! I needed to hear that! It helped me to see where, despite allowing myself to be in this spot fully, there's still a part of me that feels less powerful and inspiring because of the judgements of others and myself. I can feel where I am even ashamed to tell you what it is because I am afraid of getting judgements and not being able to hold my pole through them, yet it is actuasly pretty benign.

I am going to tell you!

I slept in today! 

Until two pm!

I know, I know, so wrong

But when I looked at this and just fully let myself have it without judgements all over the place, I felt an amazing shift!

All those voices about what a waste that is

Honestly, I am still in bed! Please don't tell anyone

This all seems so silly, but it also feels important to share with you because it feels like a lot of shame

Like I'm shaming myself, making it wrong, making it mean I'm depressed, I'm lazy, I'm whatever! 

I wake up nearly every morning feeling this desperate overwhelm like I need to jump right from bed and start into something that will be hugely impactful or I don't want to do. It is almost paralyzingly. I often don't know what to do with these feelings 

It often has me sleep through it, but it doesn't go away. I reach for people and other things to distract me, but not today

Today I let myself move at the pace of my desire 

And it felt safer and different

I know I am a person who  sometimes needs smooth transitions and to let my little one have all the time and space that she needed after being forced for many years to get up and get going, you're going to be late; felt like a huge folding the paper back moment for me.

That half a sleep zone must have made a huge impact on me over the years because the panic I feel in that space feels equivalent to the world ending! I had to keep coming back to that space and reminding myself that it was all ok. It was not the end of the world and that I had a choice and that whatever I choose would be just fine. I really have my little girl the freedom there and in doing so, it feels like I don't have to fight against her fears there, as much any way. It feels like she pulled everyday to feel safe in this area and all I've ever done was rip the blankets off the bed from her like everyone else and say "get up!" There's something very powerful about letting a person who's fearful in an area go at whatever pace they need to and fully have the reins,  even and especially if their decisions are considered unreasonable

Thank you for listening!!❤️🙏🏼