Male oms by Ken

Ken blackmen on male om 

I want to say a few words about male stroking, since it comes up often. 

As a preface I'll say that there was a thriving, successful Male OM practice at OneTaste for a period of a few years while I was there, and we learned a ton about what the pitfalls are and what it takes for that to exist. It took a few years to get it right. I should also say that this obviously isn't OT canon or anyone else's canon, just my personal thoughts.

�First of all, it’s hard for men to really fathom how deeply conditioned women are around sexual service-providing. A woman can be lying in OM position, getting stroked, with nothing asked of her other than to feel and give adjustments, and still reflexively be thinking about whether he's enjoying it and what she's supposed to be doing to make it pleasurable for him.

Men have no clue how difficult it can be for a woman to deliver a clean “no” to a guy who’s been stroking her and then asks to get stroked. 

And how hard it would be to then even confront getting stroked by him in the future, let alone requesting it, having declined stroking him.

Many many many many women were only able to bring themselves to spread their legs and get stroked by a guy they don’t want to have sex with because OneTaste was able to give them strong, credible assurances that there would be NOTHING they have to do to pay back. Ever. 

This whole idea that both people are doing it for the experience of doing it, not to get something else in return, only became believable to many women once they knew that the idea of her stroking him is NOT ON THE TABLE. It is not an option. 

For many women that was an absolute necessary precondition to their saying yes to OM in the first place.

Second, when a woman strokes a man, just being in that setting invokes within both of them a whole slew of deeply ingrained cultural conditioning around sex, much more powerfully than him stroking her does. They quickly fall into roles, learned patterns and dynamics that just weren’t present when he was stroking her.

Third, male stroking is much more overtly sexual than pussy stroking is. Penises tend to be more dramatically responsive — they have erections, they climax hard and ejaculate stuff, etc. (Or NOT. Which can come with its own set of issues.) It’s much harder to have the experience be anything other than an overtly sexual encounter.

Four, many guys who are asking about male stroking are coming from a place of sexual hunger and are looking to fill that with OM. They have no clue how not-fitting-the-bill what they’re asking for actually is. The request can be harmful to their existing practice, for the reasons given above. And more often than not (historically speaking) one of two things happens. An actual OM would be more aggravating for him than anything else, and for her as well. Or it turns into a hand job.

Which brings us to hand jobs. I think hand jobs are FANTASTIC. I think they’re the bomb. I’m a big thumbs up for them. As is my partner. But it’s not an OM.

So if a guy already has a fantastic sex life, is getting everything he wants and is coming form a place of fullness, his request to specifically experience the container of OM has a bit more credibility. If he’s not, OM is a uniquely bad way to attempt to get what’s missing. It’s not a good substitute for doing the necessary work to rectify whatever is keeping him from having a great sex life. 

Lots of guys around the world have very fulfilling, gratifying sex lives. And that’s available to you too.

You’re actually much better off asking for a hand job, even in a vulnerable way that lets her feel your hunger, than asking for an OM-equivalent where she strokes you. It’s just not what you think, and denigrates what it is.

Incidentally, OM isn’t a substitute for sex for women either. There are lots of women who are getting stroked regularly but aren’t getting the sex they want, and it’s excruciating.

Five. So this used to happen regularly. A couple would come and get OM trained. And it’s great and they’re happy and they have a thriving practice. And after some time, they come back and she says, I feel really full, I’ve had all the orgasm I could want and more, my husband is an amazing stroker and an amazing man and I’m ready to give back, to really, really pleasure him. Will you teach us male stroking? And I’d say, hmmmm, my recommendation is that you keep doing what you’re doing. Have regular OMs, have whatever sex you want, suck is cock if you want, give him hand jobs, etc. And they’re both shocked. And she says, wait, you don’t understand, I’ve gotten full. And I’m like, yep.

Then lots more time goes by and they come back. And she says, I feel like orgasm is coming out of my pores. And for some reason these days I’m obsessed with cock. I want to fuck it, and suck it, and stroke it, and see it glisten, and feel the texture of his skin in my mouth, and feel it in my hands. And — I’m embarrassed to admit this — it kinda doesn’t matter which cock it is. I find myself at work or at the grocery store, wondering what the baggage guy’s dick looks like. 

And at that point I say, maybe you two should learn male OM.

So what I want to say as a guy is, I’m obsessed with pussy. Really, I’m not obsessed with my cock, I’m obsessed with your pussy. And many, perhaps, most, guys I know feel that way too. And many, many women I know are just as obsessed with cock as I am with pussy. And many more — possibly most, because I think being obsessed with each other’s genitals is our natural state — who would be but have never been given the opportunity to truly experience cocklust. And I just have no interest or patience in having someone engaging my genitals who isn’t as obsessed with mine as I am with hers. That’s what it means to stroke for your own pleasure and that’s what I want for both men and women. And that’s what makes OM what it is.

So what I want to say to the men who are thinking they wish male stroking were more available, if she isn’t genuinely in that place of stroking for her own pleasure — not really thinking that much about you or pleasuring you, nor does she have to because cocks aren’t that complicated compared to pussies, and what makes it better than something you do yourself is when she’s stroking you from that place — if she’s not genuinely in that place, then you’re jumping the gun. 

And by genuinely, I mean there are a thousand false versions that have been ingrained into women that are not actually stroking for her own pleasure. And her path to getting there often looks vastly different from how it looks for a guy.

And so there’s an experience that’s available to you as a cock-bearing person, that would spoil you to anything that would come of you “convincing” someone to stroke you. It would spoil you to any level of service providing, or anything less than HER desire and wanting to experience stroking you. And the question becomes whether you’re interested in joining the ranks of men who have that kind of experience with women.

Wisdom by Jeanette LeBlanc

Listen to me. Right now.

You are right. Fuck it. No more. Never again.

You are not too much. You have never been too much. You will never be too much.

The very idea is preposterous. Because you were born to be you. All of you. Not a tiny acceptable sliver. Not a watered down version with colors dulled and edges softened.

No. You were meant to be every last pulsing-bleeding-loving-crying-feeling bit.

And if someone tells you that you are too much for them, the only truth you need to remember is this:

It is highly likely that they are not now, and never could have been, near enough for you.

Because you, my girl, are the sun and the moon and the stars. You are the force that pulls the tides. You are the unrestrained howl under a wide-open moon. You are the essence of what it is to dance into ecstasy. You are the heat and the sex and the sweat and the burn and soft and the grace and the grit and the ocean of tears.

You are all of everything.

You are the mother of us all and the daughter of the Universe.

You walk through shadows and light.

You burn down and rise up and hold captive the pulse of the world.

You make the gods tremble.

And that, my dear, is bound to make some people crazy uncomfortable. It will make them pull back and push away.Because the way you dance with your shadows and your steadfast commitment to your light will push them into spaces that are fascinating and compelling and utterly terrifying.

Your very being asks them to step into places they may not be near ready to visit, let alone stay.

Because like the depths of the ocean that calls you home, you will never be easy.

But darling, you were not brought here for easy. You are here for so much more.

Because you are a boundary-pusher.

You’re a truth-seeker.

You’re temptation and seduction and heat.

You’re a mirror and a sorcerer, and inside you swirls the power of the ancients.

So no, you are not easy. But in the space of that truth, please also know this. Do not get this confused with the notion that you do not deserve the deepest ease.

Don’t, for a minute, let them convince you that you will not know the grace of a lover who does not require that you constantly translate yourself or diminish yourself or quiet your storm or tone down your extravagant love.

Because that, my girl, is bullshit.

Because out there somewhere there is a love who will never dream of calling you too much. Who speaks, like you, in poetry and candle wax and stardust. Who runs outside on stormy nights to howl at the moon. Who collects bones and sings incantation and talks to the ancestors.

And that lover, when you find him or her, will see you and know you — just as you are and just as you should be.

And they will say Yes. Yes, you. I will go there with you. I have been waiting for this.And so while you are waiting, I want you to do this. For me, and for every last too much girl out there.

You take all that too much and you channel it. You gather every last ember of your too much broken heart and you light that flame. And in doing so you will call forth the others and sing the song that brings us home.

And then you — in your infinite, perfect too-muchness — unleash it all on the world. And you go and love too much and you cry too much and you swear too much. Fall in love to fast and get sad too often and laugh too loudly and demand with clarity the exact terms of your own desired existence.

Don’t you dare consider doing anything but that.

Because we need you. Every one of us, man or woman, who has been called too much. You are our reminder, in the most desperate of moment, that we are exactly as we should be.

Every last too-much bit.

-- Jeanette LeBlanc

Other people's wisdom

"A woman is always going to be more energetically powerful than you. She's always going to be more emotionally powerful than you. And, she's more sexually powerful than you. Period. Forever.

She'll be a tornado sometimes.

She'll be a hurricane sometimes.

A flood. A fire. She's Nature herself.

You can run from that (and become lost).

You can try to control her (unsuccessfully).

You can be rigid about it (and be broken).

Or you can stand in your absolute masculine presence and do your best to serve her heart. There will be some times that you will distinctly see how you are serving her and the rest of the time... she will be trusting you--she will be growing in the trust of your depth.

You have a gift to give your woman--and she wants to recieve it. Feel the truth of that.Stay in the depth of your gift and your truth even while she is in the truth of her feminine nature. She will burn, flow, rain, shine, storm - and through all of it, she just wants to experience your presence.

The gift you receive is the opportunity to face death--death of Ego and a window to LIFE and PLEASURE and TRUTH... But ONLY--if you remain present." 

~ David Deida ~

Dancing around the feelings of others in open relating

I'm going to say something that I don't feel is being addressed. It seems we are dancing around feelings and trying to put out fires. This practice is about taking responsibility not managing someone else's vigilance of where they may or may not get triggered. We delve deep and it can definitely be done with tact, but it isn't anyone else's responsibility to take care of you. You can ask for what you want and you may or may not get it. Your response is up to you.

I remember before I started to OM watching jerry springer type women blame other women when their man violated their relationship agreements. I was always appalled by this, wondering how they could hold someone outside of their relationship accountable for what was inside of it. 

If a man cares about you and honors you, he will take responsibility for maintaining the connection with you through the makeouts and sticky spots. If you have asked for what you want, then it is a place where he can be adjusted. It is important for women to make sure their boundaries of asking for what they want are clear as possible. This is a very tough spot for women and it is always changing and is a spot that will continue to get worked with such a charged topic. if you are signing up for being in an open relationship, then you are agreeing to be taken out of control. 

Lastly, if your boundaries and what you are asking for is clear and he still doesn't honor that, then maybe it is time for you to get a man who cares enough for you to honor your connection first. But imo, it is not on the woman to make sure she maintains your relationship. We can have our own relationship with our integrity around this, but stop expecting others to tiptoe around your feelings and take responsibility.

I'd like to think we are much more evolved than what we'd see on jerry springer or in the world at large. We operate on connection and lifting each other up as the goddesses we are. Women truly are the most powerful when we connect and honor each other; it is society's way of conducting that tells us to tear each other down. We are rising above this and breaking  down our conditioning.

Orgasmic Meditation is not a practice for everyone; only adults ready for change need apply

sharing That you practice Orgasmic Meditation  with the people you care about that don't om is by far one of the hardest aspects of Om for me. I have a need to be understood and  other people's opinions of OM confronts that tremendously! I want to share it with the world, especially those I care about because OM and the community have profoundly changed my life. When I am met with  any number of reactions that I don't consider positive about something that I hold so dear, it hurts! That's the only way to describe it, it hurts. I know that they are obviously not understanding at all. "Om is transformation and freedom and positive growth in every way! How can they not see that?!"I say to myself, but I know that no one can really see or know the true effects of OM until they have the courage to try for themselves and even then we learn more benefits with every OM. 

My journey with this is that I deeply desire people to get free and have access to this beautiful practice as a tool of they so desire, which means talking about it and being open, which in turn means me being open and risking their disapproval and judgment. This can be excruciating and terrifying. However, I have found that everything in this practice is happening for us; for us to learn and grow and feel to the fullest even if it doesn't necessarily feel "good". 

With every person i reach out to about om, I remind myself that this practice isn't necessarily for everyone. These are wise words from Eleanor  that she told me once. These words were met with my own horrification and complete inability to accept them at the time (which,come to think of it, is how I initially receive most of her wise words. She often gives me some tough pills to swallow about myself and the world around me that I've created, but that's an aside for another time). She was right though, as she usually is. I use this to allow me to open the door for people by giving them discerned information that they can digest and letting them determine for themselves if it is right for them, trusting and knowing that only they can truly make this decision. I know that the people who are on a true path to freedom won't be able to step away from OM. They will be drawn to it like moths to flames, flames that burn with the desire for more; more orgasm, more life, more connection, more awareness, so much more.

Whatever

I had a friend that I introduced to the practice early on in my practice. I was so eager and enthusiastic to share. I had no idea the impact or any of the energetic components or reasons that someone should get trained properly like I do now. I thought it was harmless. I am now quite horrified at my own lack of understanding about this at the time. I am grateful for the gentle loving way Sasha adjusted me and educated me. Two years later I hAve learned so much more about what it takes energetically to hold and support new omers. It amazes me every time we have a new class the wave of limbic connection I feel in my body as the whole community has a role in supporting each member even if they individually aren't aware of it. The people who say yes to holding the class are saying yes to so much more than just putting a class together! They are saying yes to opening their systems to holding and feeling right along with every person in the class. They feel every subtle nuance of anxiety, fear, self-doubt, insecurity, body image issues, sadness, grief etc; the list goes on and on concerning what comes up for people regarding sex, connection, attraction. Each person on the team has worked through a lot of their own issues with these same feelings and in these areas. They have done their work and grown and learned how to expand their ability to be present in intense high sensation. There is no substitute for people who have what we call "time on the 

Mat" or who've done their practice.

The saddest part about my experience of improperly introducing my friend to this practice is that I did her a disservice. She to this day doesn't OM and I can't help but wonder if I had not stepped in and tried to save her from her own shyness or make it easier for her because I felt she would surely understand if she tried it, then maybe she would have had the opportunity to be held and supported energetically by people who were trained to do just that; not only from the coaching program but also from their experience in their practices. I can't help but wonder if I hindered her own access to her own freedom with my uninformed, ignorant, good intentions. Beating myself up does no good, so I opt to trust in faith that every ones practice looks differently and this bump was just another perfect part of both mine and hopefully, eventually, her practice.  I learned my lesson

I slept until 2pm

Hi, I am in an interesting place that I am trying not to make myself wrong for for the first time in my life and that feels good. 

For doing exactly what I want

Rather than what I "should" do

Letting me do the "shoulds " when I get to them or even when I have desire to do them 

It is a place where I have always made myself wrong for not being like everyone else

Thank you! I needed to hear that! It helped me to see where, despite allowing myself to be in this spot fully, there's still a part of me that feels less powerful and inspiring because of the judgements of others and myself. I can feel where I am even ashamed to tell you what it is because I am afraid of getting judgements and not being able to hold my pole through them, yet it is actuasly pretty benign.

I am going to tell you!

I slept in today! 

Until two pm!

I know, I know, so wrong

But when I looked at this and just fully let myself have it without judgements all over the place, I felt an amazing shift!

All those voices about what a waste that is

Honestly, I am still in bed! Please don't tell anyone

This all seems so silly, but it also feels important to share with you because it feels like a lot of shame

Like I'm shaming myself, making it wrong, making it mean I'm depressed, I'm lazy, I'm whatever! 

I wake up nearly every morning feeling this desperate overwhelm like I need to jump right from bed and start into something that will be hugely impactful or I don't want to do. It is almost paralyzingly. I often don't know what to do with these feelings 

It often has me sleep through it, but it doesn't go away. I reach for people and other things to distract me, but not today

Today I let myself move at the pace of my desire 

And it felt safer and different

I know I am a person who  sometimes needs smooth transitions and to let my little one have all the time and space that she needed after being forced for many years to get up and get going, you're going to be late; felt like a huge folding the paper back moment for me.

That half a sleep zone must have made a huge impact on me over the years because the panic I feel in that space feels equivalent to the world ending! I had to keep coming back to that space and reminding myself that it was all ok. It was not the end of the world and that I had a choice and that whatever I choose would be just fine. I really have my little girl the freedom there and in doing so, it feels like I don't have to fight against her fears there, as much any way. It feels like she pulled everyday to feel safe in this area and all I've ever done was rip the blankets off the bed from her like everyone else and say "get up!" There's something very powerful about letting a person who's fearful in an area go at whatever pace they need to and fully have the reins,  even and especially if their decisions are considered unreasonable

Thank you for listening!!❤️🙏🏼

Short 'n sweet-be a yes

Be a yes to the things that are a yes to me. That's not how I've been doing it. I've been spending my life being fucked by the things that are no to me more than acknowledging the things that are a yes to me.

Humble origins

This is what lead up to my oming. I had experienced a break up two years earlier that had rocked me to my core. We weren't married, but in my mind I thought we would be together forever. He left me suddenly. I didn't see it coming and was completely devastated and blindsided. For the first year, I basically wanted to die like everyday. It made it really easy to determine small desires that would  make life easier like "right now I want to be off by myself and put my bare feet in the grass." I was so down that it felt like I had no choice but to follow these very clear glimpses of desire. 

The second year I came out more and was ready to start dating. Much to my surprise, it felt like men would run away from me. I kept lowering my standards and they'd still run away. And I mean it when I say, it literally felt like they were fleeing. I had never experienced this before and I was at a loss as to what was happening. I now think that I was very hungry and had so much conditioning that a person I was intimate with had to adore me and be devoted that i didn't give anyone the chance to even get to know me before I would put all my energetic hooks into them. 

I was sad and lonely and bored and horny. I knew I didn't want to be celibate. My walls and vigilance were way too high to enjoy any type of casual sex. I wasn't enjoying the bar scene. I wanted a deep connected relationship but found that I couldn't seem to snap my fingers together to create it and it seemed no where in sight. 

I was bitching about the hopelessness of my situation to a trusted holistic doctor and spiritual mentor and she suggested I look into orgasmic meditation. It took another six months before I went to a TO. After the TO I was in. I felt immediately like I had found my people; the people who didn't like to linger in the shallow end but yearned for deeper more authentic connections. 

I was a very poor single mom, however, and I couldn't let myself have the class. They uncharacteristically gave it to me for free. It was taught by Nicole herself and I originally didn't know who she was or what all the hype about her was about. I just wanted to om. I went to the prepared to be thoroughly unimpressed, but she truly blew me away! I thought she was brilliant! I still do. 

Venting graphic

I have to admit that I sometimes get more annoyed with new men because it feels like we as a community have to start from scratch all the time with ppl learning the lingo & watching them go through all the steps as the layers come off again & again. Training strokers that they can have it & that it is actually a gift for a woman to know & ask for what she wants; much better than guessing & getting it wrong. The step of where they get angry with you for pointing out the truth, then the step where they take responsibility there, then the step where they are grateful because they understand that your initial truth was actually a loving kindness; if they ever make it to this step. There's that too, ppl leaving before they realize all the freedom they can find here.the annoyance I feel at men who think that they want sex in place of actual connection & where they get hung up on their societally conditioned preferences like robots programmed to go after bones & haven't discovered steak yet.

The instant gratification they seek, when there is no replacement for really doing their work & the work is only taking a close look at your inner self. 

I tend to have more compassion for the women, but I do understand the phoniness & the "good girl" who's just "fine" w/that doe-eyed look, but you can feel her dying inside bc we've been oming for awhile & we can feel all of what they think they are hiding from the world oh so clearly. It's like a painful new batch every time, that is even more painful if they walk away blaming the practice or community for being too "weird" or too "confrontational" or too "insert whatever here". 

I'm venting a little.

 I briefly encounter these feelings, but I am inspired anew every time I experience someone "getting" it; getting free. It is beautiful to be a part of that! It reminds me of how far I've come and how grateful I am to have found such an amazing practice! And that makes all the little annoyances well worth it. 

That is really how I feel! It is an honor to be a part of the people who are bravely facing their inner shit in whatever way it works for them. And it is an absolute honor to help others find there way too. Like Nicole Daedone has said so many times in the parable of sorts with the person who jumps in the hole with you. 

There's a person who falls into a hole and is stuck. His priest comes by & blesses him (or her) but he's still in the hole. The psychiatrist comes by & analyzes the situation & prescribes some Xanax or something, but he's still in the hole and so on until his friend comes along & jumps in the hole with him. He says "why would you do that?! Now we are both stuck in here!" The friend says "yay we are, but I've been here before and I know the way out!"

My pussy is telling me to suck my boyfriends cock and then fuck him because lately I am angry and annoyed as shit except for when he's sleeping and then my Pussy wants to fuck him! 

I know that this is due to me losing weight and consciously looking at all this anger that must have been stored in every single fucking fat cell and has nothing to do with him, he's just my unfortunate scapegoat. As I work through this & my emotions come to the surface, I am faced w/ some of the hardest & deepest wounds of hurt & anger I have ever experienced. I have to force myself to stay conscious there all the time. I have to continuously remind myself that I don't actually hate everyone & everything, especially not  Mario & especially not myself. My addictions try to pull for my attention & fight relentlessly to keep me from feeling the anger, hatred, pain that I have to reach to find approval for myself. I self sabotage & create situations for ppl to hate me & pull away. This has been excruciating & some of my deepest work on myself to date. 

I also fight to remember to remember, a coaching program term that has multiple layers of meaning, but in this case is me remembering to remember that I am powerful. That I stand for my growth. That I am creating. That I am bravely facing deep parts of my shadows that are crying out to be loved. 

It is easy for me to escape and live in my old stories, to forget how far I've come, to deny hat I offer anything of value, to shrink away and die quietly playing the martyr. But I know that I am worth not abandoning myself there anymore! I don't have to take that on and buy into that crap! Yet I can still honor the little one within that did take that on and help her to remember to remember as well. Just as we all help each other to remember the goddesses we so easily see in each other's faces yet often to find so difficult to ascribe to ourselves. 

Hypervolatile, dissipated, fixed becomes attention, simplicity, desire

I have found the tumescent types to be quite helpful in relating to people in and out of om. They are how a person typically handles sensation that is more than they can stay present with. I have never known one type to be seen as better or worse than another. 

I heard that they are modeled after the three Buddhist types of suffering, but I don't know enough about that to speak on it.

The three tenets of om are Attention, desire, and Simplicity. We use these three things to bring each of the tumescent types back into their range. 

Hypervolatile has a broad range of emotions and is a roller coaster. The up side is that they are charismatic and magnetic and ignition and fun.

The down side could be that as easily as you'll feel their up, you can also feel their burn.

To bring a hypervolatile back into their range, putting quality attention helps to sooth their tumultuous ride. 

Dissipated is soothed by making things simple, because they are typically overwhelmed when they are beyond their capacity to hold sensation. The positive to dissipated is that they see so much and can give amazing attention when they are on. As Adam stated, they see the big picture too. The down side is that they often check out and one can feel quite dropped, especially since their attention does feel so good when they put it on you.

The third is fixed and they are brought back into their range by bringing focus back to their desires. They can often become fixated on the details that may not be a priority and controlling how something gets done and lose focus on what they actually want. If you can remind them of their greater desire and how we get there doesn't necessarily matter as much as that we do get there, this will aid in the journey. Their positive is that they can handle shit like nobody's business! They are on top of everything! They make sure it gets done and gets done well! The down side is that they can be controlling and judgemental when people don't do or see things the way that they would.