Keri tried to break up with me last night.
We had a really intense day with big, super-successful How to OM class and she was taking me to the airport the next day to leave for eight days. And for the last few days she has been in a tough spot of really believing that I love her. So that mixed with all the other emotion, and by 1am when we're were trying to go to sleep, she decided she couldn't take it anymore and wanted to end it.
I have had a variety of reactions to her ongoing resistance to believing i love her. I have gotten angry and hurt, yelling at her about all the ways that I am showing her how much I love her and making it about me. You all can guess how well that works. I have tried logic, outlining the clear and solid data that I am actively loving her and prioritizing her in my life, with limited success. I have tried ignoring her, and just withdrawing my attention, but that doesn't get me what I want. And I have tried many versions of playing with her, laughing at her silliness, talking to her like I would a sad little girl, And that one is actually the most successful.
But what did I do last night? I fucked her. Suddenly all my love and desire and passion for her was much harder for her to block when I was on top of her kissing her and touching her body. Her tightness and tension and fear melted beneath me, she released her tears & sadness & pain and came back into connection with me. And then we had one of the closest and most snuggly nights that we've had since the experiment started.
We're going to talk every day while I'm gone. And I will have the new added a challenge of letting her feel my love from far away. I will be lonely and vulnerable and needing love so it will be a trick for me to keep my attention on her without pulling, and without getting more quickly triggered when she resists.
So I am continually in awe of what a good match we are for this experiment and how were perfectly positioned to challenge each other's shit & grow.
The journey continues!
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